Unlikely Food and Wine Pairing.

Ideally white wine should be served at 12 degrees celcius, from a long stemmed Tulip shaped glass that funnels towards the rim allowing concentration of aromas to show off the bouquet.

 Ideally.

So, if you’re a girl or boy about town you may have heard about eating sushi off naked models in Greenpoint? This delightfully skanky adventure had me within my usual gaggle of girlfriends with their boast-worthy list of job titles. See: Insurance Broker, Head Designer, Ceramics Extraordinaire, Party Girl, Dance Culture Journalist and (yours truly) Little Miss Mouthy. We ooze savoir-faire sometimes.

Not really.

 We are just ladies who love to max out on the joys of the Hedonism Capital of the country.

After eyebrow-arching our way through a crass little comedy performance a unanimous thirst had set in. We deliberated over the wine list and decided on a light and easy Jordan Chameleon Sauvignon/ Chardy blend. The restaurant was loud and bustling with pre-perve Mavericks Patrons who had dropped in for a sushi and skin binge.

So, like, maybe the waitress hadn’t heard me?The promised models were sprawled Mavericks strippers in all their JT-One hipster glory lying atop the bar in front of a black curtain. A small yellow hand poked through occasionally to replenish the feed. Upon closer inspection their paws were stuffed into Perspex-heeled Stilettos that revealed craterlike heels and chipped blue nail polish

Still no wine.

Mid skinner about a head-case sister in law, one of the beauts at my table did one of those over exaggerated attention grabbing gasps. “Ohhhhh my WORD” she snapped. “That chick is from the Joost sex tape, I read Heat ALL the time, I swear.”

I am now parched.. but news of this scandal detracts me from the wino-craving.

“Oh my God” We chorused. Out came the Blackberry’s. A frenzy of French manicured nails were thumbing through online content and within minutes my crew had done some savvy P.I work, we were huddled over my mates android phone, watching the sex tape on Youtube, Googling her pics, checking her Facebook AND previous newspaper headlines featuring our sushi platter Marilize van Emmenis. All the dirt dished on the coke sniffing lap dancer. Suddenly the fashion sandwiches become very last season.

I was STILL thirsty.

I caught a glimpse of the waitress. Towards me she minced, holding my wine and an ice bucket.SureIy Chameleon

 “KA MEE LEE ON” sounds nothing like Haute Cabriere “AAAUT CA BRI ERR”

But a R350 bottle of the latter arrived at our table. I don’t care how phonetically-challenged you are, I did not stutter.

Eventually our much needed Chameleon appeared like a beacon of hope, and was poured in a hefty clumsy glug. She missed the glass completely. She managed to get it ALL over my new black nylon leggings.

I have thus decided that Jordan Chameleon Sauvignon Blanc/Chardonnay 2009 blend is best served with the shrill laughter of 5 friends, and drank by sucking it out of the nylon weave from one’s tights.

I would love to say it went well with hepatitis-maki, but no – Just some socially aware techno-savvy ladies and a good camera is all this wine needs.