Tasting Room Prêt-à-Porter.

Un. Cotton Dresses, not enough Tasting Rooms even with their outdoor facilities have those lovely fine sprays of mist in the midsummer heat. This is a no perfume affair!Looking flustered is not an option.

Deux. Big sunglasses for beedy eyeing, and to conceal my napping on the drive home.

Trois. Sunhats, yes long hours of leisurely picnics on Wine Estate lawns can be a little harsh on the complexion. 

Quatre. Super sexy Gypsy Bangles so you can hear me clanging around your Tasting Rooms.

Cinq. Note book, everything by hand... scribbled and doodled before it makes it's way here. All about how wine tastes like faeries and other such nonsensical metaphors. 

Six. A scarf to double up as my picnic blanky.

Sept. Canon Camera - snap happy vibes and moment-captures.

Huit. My own long stemmed tasting glass, A Baguette because crackers are very passe and no way to nab a righteous taste of Olive Oils and other such lovely delights, all stashed into my Mr Price Picnic basket.

Neuf. Astro - My adventure companion Jack Russell who most recently ran amock at the Warwick Tasting Room and Cellar to then fall asleep on an old ladie's shoe whilst she was enjoying her Lamb Shank.

Dix. An Essie Pedi - Usually barefoot, at least I should pretty my paws with something pink and glossy.

How do you like your eggs?

A young wine maker was clearly challenging me.

I find that any man who makes wine, is almost allowed to wear their well earned arrogance stripes.

Not too often though. Especially when it comes to things I want to cook, eat and enjoy.

"So, what would you pair with eggs?" 

He quips.

At this point in my life I would have to answer

"Um, Progesterone?"

Unimpressed he attempted to roll his eyes back into his head. After a bit of thought and hunger panging - I arrived at what I like to think is tres perfect.. Something I would make for breakfast in my parents home on the farm with Ridgeback Puppies knocking all me around the kitchen.

Tortilla de Patata with pan tossed
Parma Ham ribbons lightly dressed with Truffle Oil.
Served with Crostini. 
Fresh summer strawberries on a bed of rocket.
Accompanied by Balsamic Reduction and cracked Black Pepper Corns.
Paired with a crisp and bone-dry glass of Ross Gower Pinot Noir Methode Cap Classique 2006.

For something as light as Eggs you need Bubbles.

Parma Ham and Truffle Oil equals nutty smoky divination.

Black Pepper and Rocket gives an aromatic and fresh bite.

Summer strawbs with a sweet reduction/glaze sings harmony with the Parma Ham.

Crostini has crunch, and is great for a bit of balance to the texture experience of the soft Potato and Eggs. You have to do this with coarse salt though, and maybe the Sunday Times doubling up as your breakfast in bed placemat.

Best enjoyed with BBC on the telly and the Ridgebacks alseep at the bottom of a kingsize bed.

This is a break-slow I would make very soon after payday. Not for any special occasion other than that of gluttony and flavour obsession.

Not so White Wine.

Make way for the future of brand savvy South African movement leaders of colour, culture and Street Fabulosity.

The Smarteez- Black on the inside multicoloured on the outside.

The scene is set on a rhythm surged Sunday in Soweto at Panyaza Chisa Nyama, Zulu for "Cook the Meat" this is the hub of fashion and trend spotting for the economically empowered sexy young and happening crowd. Most of these kids are rocking IT and Fashion careers, whilst butterflying the social circuit in and around Jozi's Burbs. They roll up in BMW'S, Mini Coopers, 4X4's and Audis and Chryslers. You can smell success and wealth in the air.

There’s a certain music video aesthetic that accompanies this entourage of Black Diamonds, Big sound, Big rims, Big presence, Big hair, Big labels. This is about status, about wealth, and the finer things in life.

Louis Vuitton paired with Boys School Pants from Pep, teamed with a Prada bag and cheap plastic sunnies from the William Nicol Street vendors. The style speaks of the extremes in wealth seen in Soweto. Mansions amongst matchbox houses. A Lexus stopped at a traffic light next to a dented Corolla with a bumper sticker that reads “A black man is always a suspect”

Ethnic Diversity, too cool.

A sleek and nubile choco-skinned princess with an expensive weave and huge Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses pours out of a barely road worthy taxi. She can funnagalore cuss the taxi driver in one breath and hold a well versed intellectual conversation in the next. She might live in Bryanston now, but she drops into iLoxion for some of that soul shake down goodness The Burbs can’t offer. Not even Capital Records or Moloko in Rosebank.

There are iconic brands that epitomize a Black Diamond, these are not racial generalizations but more like status symbols. Drinking Johnny Walker Black, Driving a Chrysler Voyager, A house in Blue Valley. Soon enough big Wine Brands are going to be added to this list along with an iconic cult status spin-off.

The land of milk and honey brings together a melting of pot cultural influences, these are socially aware luxury living individuals who define themselves by immersing their existence into Music, Art, Fashion and Business. Basically - Putting the style, back into Lifestyle.

Forbes.com says “Upwardly mobile with huge spending power”

TNS Research Surveys (Pty) Ltd and the UCT have indicated that 72% of the bracket believe that “the way your children dress, speak and are educated is a reflection of your wealth"

There is no disregard to culture however, amongst the , a place of extreme poverty and wealth you will find some of the hottest and progressive places to party, chill, eat dance dine and most recently - wine. You can eat chicken neck and walkie-talkies washed down with Premier Label whisky’s and Bourbons.

Sedibeng Pub & Restaurant in Soweto ,is a premier high-energy classy bistro style pub and upmarket shebeen has become a landmark for foreign tourism. All that is needed now, to fuel the wine interest is a sassy wine list to accompany the afro-cuisine on offer.

The Rock in Rockville Soweto, where some of SA's Talented DJ's play to a designer label clad crowd, a fashion catwalk of statement and self expression may just be absorbing a wine bar concept into their current model. The possibilities are there, as is the purchasing power.

iKapa has its own Multiracial Hot Spot. - Mzolis in Gugulethu. A friendly and beautiful mash of skin colour and style. Its all about Nyama here, summer time flesh being shown off by the girls as well as the pap and braavlies extravaganza sizzling on the grill. Siya Groova to Deep Afro House, Jazz inspired dance music. Pure thick and heavy tribal percussion styled jams that us Mlungu's just dont have. Just as patrons can bring their own booze from neighbouring shebeens, we may see chilled bottles of Sauvignon popping out of oversized Marc Jacobs handbags.

Uya Bona. It is evident that a white mans nectar has transgressed supremacist boarders and is now a huge part of African Culture. And by huge I mean the reported 7548 enthusiastic attendees at the 6th Annual SOWETO WINE FESTIVAL 2010 which saw record numbers in participation and sales.

Effective marketing meets the market where it’s at.

Bring the wine lands to streets!

Click here to view wine fabulosity.

 

“It was a magnificent sight that makes the heart beat with pride. What a crowd of beautiful people. We are extraordinarily proud of this event and how the trendsetters of Soweto and Gauteng have made the Soweto Wine Festival theirs in every way. We attribute this record number of visitors to the fact that wine is for every South African and that this market is on its way to becoming the primary wine market in South Africa. We suggest wine marketers take note to include this market in their marketing plans from here on in.”

Marylin Cooper of Cape Wine Academy and Founder of the Soweto Wine Festival.

Unlikely Food and Wine Pairing.

Ideally white wine should be served at 12 degrees celcius, from a long stemmed Tulip shaped glass that funnels towards the rim allowing concentration of aromas to show off the bouquet.

 Ideally.

So, if you’re a girl or boy about town you may have heard about eating sushi off naked models in Greenpoint? This delightfully skanky adventure had me within my usual gaggle of girlfriends with their boast-worthy list of job titles. See: Insurance Broker, Head Designer, Ceramics Extraordinaire, Party Girl, Dance Culture Journalist and (yours truly) Little Miss Mouthy. We ooze savoir-faire sometimes.

Not really.

 We are just ladies who love to max out on the joys of the Hedonism Capital of the country.

After eyebrow-arching our way through a crass little comedy performance a unanimous thirst had set in. We deliberated over the wine list and decided on a light and easy Jordan Chameleon Sauvignon/ Chardy blend. The restaurant was loud and bustling with pre-perve Mavericks Patrons who had dropped in for a sushi and skin binge.

So, like, maybe the waitress hadn’t heard me?The promised models were sprawled Mavericks strippers in all their JT-One hipster glory lying atop the bar in front of a black curtain. A small yellow hand poked through occasionally to replenish the feed. Upon closer inspection their paws were stuffed into Perspex-heeled Stilettos that revealed craterlike heels and chipped blue nail polish

Still no wine.

Mid skinner about a head-case sister in law, one of the beauts at my table did one of those over exaggerated attention grabbing gasps. “Ohhhhh my WORD” she snapped. “That chick is from the Joost sex tape, I read Heat ALL the time, I swear.”

I am now parched.. but news of this scandal detracts me from the wino-craving.

“Oh my God” We chorused. Out came the Blackberry’s. A frenzy of French manicured nails were thumbing through online content and within minutes my crew had done some savvy P.I work, we were huddled over my mates android phone, watching the sex tape on Youtube, Googling her pics, checking her Facebook AND previous newspaper headlines featuring our sushi platter Marilize van Emmenis. All the dirt dished on the coke sniffing lap dancer. Suddenly the fashion sandwiches become very last season.

I was STILL thirsty.

I caught a glimpse of the waitress. Towards me she minced, holding my wine and an ice bucket.SureIy Chameleon

 “KA MEE LEE ON” sounds nothing like Haute Cabriere “AAAUT CA BRI ERR”

But a R350 bottle of the latter arrived at our table. I don’t care how phonetically-challenged you are, I did not stutter.

Eventually our much needed Chameleon appeared like a beacon of hope, and was poured in a hefty clumsy glug. She missed the glass completely. She managed to get it ALL over my new black nylon leggings.

I have thus decided that Jordan Chameleon Sauvignon Blanc/Chardonnay 2009 blend is best served with the shrill laughter of 5 friends, and drank by sucking it out of the nylon weave from one’s tights.

I would love to say it went well with hepatitis-maki, but no – Just some socially aware techno-savvy ladies and a good camera is all this wine needs.

You say Grassy... I say Grass Burns.

You say Accessible.. I say Easy.

You say Affordable.. I say Cheap.

I love Arabella - it's a crowd pleaser. I also love Promo Girls who stand at Tops or Ultraliquors pushing me things in yellow boob tubes and massive grins, fake tans with newly peroxided curtains of hair.

Cheers to that.

House of Krone Brut Rose 2005

With a quick glance at the 2005 vintage, I imagined 5 years of summers imprisoned inside this bodacious bottle of bubbly just waiting for the perfect spring day. With a confident and swift slice of the bottle, I would sabrage it to freedom, selectively, to my audience of gaggling gossiping twenty something Cape Town It-Girls. A sort of 'post winter picnic' on the lawns of a bijoux speciality foods deli in Tulbagh aptly named "Things I Love"

And elegant fountain of evervescence leapt forth like a released prisoner, exploding into conjugal copulation with the heady warmth of the budding season.

Lucky we shaved our legs for this one.

Flavours that frolicked with the elation of Puck and his faerie following- We are spellbound and delighted.

Make-believe powdered confectioners sugar coats our glossed pouts. On the palet there are punnets of fruit, mostly strawberries. In my minds eye they are big and fat, sexy like thick tongues. At the same time, delicate rose petals have fallen to adorn frosted and dewy morning grass. The bubbles are unassuming and present politely much the same as the first few gentle sparks of evening stars that poke through the twilight veil of a midsummers night, slowly but solidly becoming a full blown interstellar fizz.

A menagerie of flamingo, new born baby girl clothes, disco rollerskates, candy floss, fruit pastilles and turkish delight.

Its a satin prom dress worn by a knockout blonde. This is summer, for Tuna Roses topped with Japanese Mayo sprinkled with caviar. This is for wild Knysna Oysters, smell the ocean and taste the springtime. This is for Swordfish and Parma Ham skewers blackened on the braai. This is what supermodels drink when they are doing their hair.

This is just Fabulous.

Mrs Robinson, are you trying to seduce me?

If this wine were a woman, she would have a sleek Braun appliance adorned kitchen, within which she would bake you soft Banana Bread. If you were to swing by her house during the holiday season, say, Christmas time.. She would disarm you upon entry to her home. She would greet you at the door in one of those awful thick knit Mrs Clause sweaters. All to conceal a La Perla bodice hugging a burlesque landscape of curves. 

She is a heap of complex contradiction, without an ounce of fight to her character. Like the hearty weight and fruity Christmas cake of Hermitage integrated with  ethereal liquid silk quality of Pinot Noir 

She is all outward access and inward reserve.

She has warm and inviting deep set hazel eyes, heavy with intent. Like Pools of chocolate laced with coffee liqueur. Like a lonely Nigella Lawson, feeding you fruit cake in her palatial palace, perfect for fireside courtship. She makes you want to sleep in late, and be creamy milk she.. AHEM... Dips her cookies into.